Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Suspect's Quiet War

By the usual suspect

I didn't get out of the army completely normally. I was supposed to be stop lossed but contacting a senator prevented that. Instead, myself and a handful of other soldiers got to go home, roughly on time and enjoy civilian life on our own terms.

"Suspect, you need to go see First Sergeant NOW!"

It is my last moment in the motor pool, being regarded as a normal soldier. My phone rings as soon as I crawl out of the stryker and get service.

"--o see First Sergeant like NOW!!!"

What had I done this time? I knocked on his door and boomed, "First Sergeant, Specialist--"

"Shut up, get in here."

I stand at parade rest.

"When the fuck did you drop a congressional?"

I stammered through the backstory for half a second and was dismissed. Oh fuck. I had just shit on the man I respected most.

Then I went back to my room, which I shared with my buddy that went to tokyo with me. We went to basic training together. Had the same contract. Same day in, same day out. Now the unit is hanging on to everyone they can, and my buddy had a couple months AWOL time. With the Senator's intervention, myself and I believe 140 some soldiers were released from active duty on time. My buddy would not be one of them. They nailed him and added the bad time to his contract at the last minute.  I went home and they went back to Iraq.

Buddy. Fucker.

As for college, you know that disaster. Two failed attempts and $5000+ debt. Whatever, too easy, got a payment plan.

School would be a great way to try to get normal again. But that has to wait, I have to earn that.

Now for the latest: the VA has offered me as a free worker to Best Buy for my vocational rehabilitation work assessment. I would work thirty hours a week and get a five hundred dollar a month stipend from VA. Best Buy Corporate said no, citing insurance worries. The VA pays all of that. Uh huh....

But I have my apartment! Thanks to HUDVASH! So the republicans that want to slash the funds because they go unclaimed should take some of those funds to advertise the fucking program! I know, that's simply ludicrous!

I am rated 50% disabled for ptsd and have a pending tbi claim. Might not even be able to get back into the army if I need.

If they wont, WHATEVER, cuz I'm the Dude. I'm the guy with the badass skull painted on his guitar, and I'm the guy that can play it faster than fuck.

And then when im done, I come up with a new fuckin' battle plan! I go all out! Pencils and erasers, protractors, glitter. I can't remember why im supposed to wait for the Va to get me a job for a fraction of the money, but they're pretty awesome to me, so I'm gonna trust them.

Also, fuck Best Buy, their customer service is horrible. My mission was to go in their, grossly underpaid, and work harder, sell more than the other employees. I was to be the annoying bastard that devotes his existence to being Employee of the Month. And I wouldn't even being making commissions. Wow, Best Buy Corporate, someone in your division is not thinking strategically. A FREE, HIGHLY MOTIVATED employee.

Or, karma is real. In which case I'm still paying.

In other news, I have my war tapes on mini dv but no power cord for the camcorder, so I can't get the footage off the tapes. Fun in Baghdad. Lots of breaking and entering. House to house, room clearing. Jawjacking. Good stuff. So if anyone knows how they can help, I can promise some gnar visuals.

Anyway, I'm gonna keep clawing my way into this american dream. If not, see you in Afghanistan, baby! Cuz if I go back in, its not as a sniveling short timer, but as a fucking professional.


bigD said...

Hi Suspect,
Not sure I understand the whole Best Buy thing, but you are right about this...they do have terrible customer service! I am happy to hear you have an apartment. I didn't know you were considering going back into the Army. I like the part about the guitar and how fast you can play it. I just started teaching myself to play acoustic guitar. My fingers hurt and I am so slow. "I'm the guy that can play it faster than fuck" made me laugh and made me jealous.
Keep up with your quiet war Ryan.
You are still and always in my thoughts and prayers. God(s) bless you Ryan, with fond regard, Diane

Anonymous said...

I don't see how getting out on time made it so your friend had to stay in longer. They are going to keep as many warm bodies in the military as they can; you got out. I know you guys were tight, and it is too bad he didn't get to share your fortune, but it's not your fault.

Assume you got disability because you got hurt. They don't give that shit away. You are not who you were before. None of us stay the same. Some of us get the shit knocked out of us. You may become someone better than you were before. Don't go stomping all over your new self before you even know who it is. Don't force bullshit expectations on yourself. You probably didn't like it as a kid, and it won't do any favors now. Learn who you are, and make sure that person as good as possible. Then everything will fall into place.
Keep talking, please! It's good to hear from you! z

God, why do I always give you guys advice???

KathyB said...

What z said. Double it.

Good to get post from you. You are working on you and you are more precious than you can imagine.

Pattie Matheson said...

Yup, Z's advice is tops.

So happy to hear you saying nice things about the VA. That's been our experience as well. 50% disability is significant and should be a nice little bit to add to your income.

You've always been a fighter and I'm thrilled to read that spirit is alive and well in you.

Ya know we love ya!
Warm hugs, ~P~

lorraine said...

Hi! Happy you are atill writing. No matter what - you will turn out ok in the long run. You have it in you to do whatever you set your heart and mind to. You always have to do the shit stuff in the short term to make the long term worth something. Take care and keep us all posted. We apparently are still interested. love ya - lorraine

Anonymous said...

Anything I say, z said it better.

Take care, Suspect. It's good to hear from you.