You’ve served your time. Maybe you went a few places, too. Saw some shit that messed you up real good inside. Then you came home a man, or woman, with a bit of understanding standing behind the glimmer of death and truth and reality in your eyes. Decided you had enough, and that it’s time for something new. Time to stick it to Sam and take your piece. He promised you that much, right? And now you owe it to yourself, or your kid, or your family, or your last platoon Sergeant to finally make something valuable of yourself. Something more YOU than they would ever allow you to be.
That’s what this is about. Realizing that dream, the coming to fruition of potential realized. After all, what’s a few essays and homework and study dates in the library, cramming for a final, when you’ve seen the gnarly shit that would literally earfuck the soul out of the clueless children texting next to you during lecture? Stand tall soldier, don’t shy away from being proud of what you have seen and accomplished. You’re better than those little shitstains, and they’ll soon know it.
This is the official 13 Stoploss guide to starting your shit out right, as if the first day of not shaving wasn’t enough to convince you in the first place. Do what I do, and then do it better.
1. Blow some of that savings, but not all of it. Slow down and enjoy living life again, Dionysus style. Drink some wine. Maybe too much. Just make sure your pockets aren’t empty at the end of the night. Have your fill, then walk away. You’ll be thankful later, or even the very near future.
2. You need a place to crash, peon, and there ain’t nothing wrong with letting the folks shower you with free room and board for as long as they’ll tolerate your monkey face. If you’re like me, with a family, then the first place that will store all your piled up shit is the best place. Don’t get attached; don’t make it nice; just live, to get set up. The more money you don’t spend, the more you get to sometimes re-experience number one.
3. Don’t get a job.
4. If you time number one and number three right, you can get on unemployment for the beginning of a new semester at your local community college. Before you start getting all hoighty-toighty, consider that Americans paid your salary from their taxes, and your taxes, taken from your salary paid into it as well. Then, consider that you more than likely are not a drug abusing shit tard claiming free money to use on drugs. So, suck up your pride, and take the cash. You earned it, and can capitalize on it for at least twelve months if you play your cards right.
5. Walk into your local community college. Fill out some papers. Play the clueless, never-been-to-school, just-got-back-from-Iraq-role, and some old lady will be more than happy to escort you to the Veterans Affairs and Financial Aid office. (Mine are the same office.)
6. Fill out some more paperwork, and get ready to collect some cash. That, you fucking fart poof, is why you follow my advice on number three (Also, see below).
7. Unemployment, and the GI Bill are not enough. Especially if you didn’t listen to my advice on number one. If, like most, you spent the last year of your employment in some ass-fucked country like I did, then your taxable earnings for the year are close to nil. This is good news, because it means that you’re fucking poor. Why is that cool? Because, when you go to www.fafsa.ed.gov and fill out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (have your tax documents ready), the “Socialists” are going to give your wadded-up piece of ass more money, in the form of grants. Then, if your state is as cool as mine, you too can get a Governor’s Fee Waiver, so all that cash you’re getting can go to things like HDTV, and paying off the next year of car payments and insurance (allowing you to study instead of worrying about bills!)
8. Because you can’t have too much good stuff: https://www.horatioalger.org//scholarships/index.cfm
The Horatio Alger Veterans Military Scholarship, based on need and merit. Five-thousand dollars, paid in four years. Extra cash to the pile: too much good stuff.
Ok, let’s recap: In California, the maximum allowable unemployment insurance rate is $1800 a month. With the new Post-9/11 GI Bill, 100% of tuition is paid, and the living stipend, based off BAH of E5 with dependents in the greater Los Angeles/Orange County area is $2152 per month. Add in military scholarships, Federal Pell Grants, and University Grants, and this poor sap is looking at a nice living for the next year. Add to that any single positive amount that comes in from the Missus, and life is looking pretty sweet. Especially when your mortgage is $300 a month because you’re so fucking poor.
That’s how you get ahead—by being a rat bastard, and learning the rules of the game. You know that game better than anyone. You learned how to survive on your own. Only difference here is the bullet and bomb exist only in your nightmares.
11 comments:
Hey Stoploss,
I'm glad you're figuring it out, and it's there for you!
You're going to do fine! Take it easy! z
"Then you came home a man, or woman, with a bit of understanding standing behind the glimmer of death and truth and reality in your eyes."
Excellent.
Great info. Hope lots of vets read and learn.
~P~
Excellen post, you earned it, man. Suck out all the milk and honey you can.
Whatever happened to "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"?
Anon 5:26 -
I did 5 years "for my country," whatever that means. Programs like the GI Bill exist as an enticement to service. In the troubled time of America's folly in Iraq, people were not exactly signing up to go to war and die. It's a tradeoff, and with the promise of money for school-- suckers like me took our two deployments under our belts, and took what was promised. Since "my country asked more of me" than what was in the contract, I'm looking for all I can take advantage of to take care of my family.
'Whatever happened to "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country"?'
You're absolutely right. Used soldiers are the same thing as used condoms. We're just there to fuck life up. When we're done, throw us out. I get that, it's cool. It's not our country anymore. Some of us went and got residency in another state of mind. It's your country, not ours. Your American Idols.
Intentionally or not, you're suggesting that American soldiers are a simple, renewable resource. You have to water us and sprinkle some college on us so that we grow right. Nice N' ripe for the harvest! Then the next time you let an overgrown child drag us into another idiotic war (one you won't know much about in the first place), you can stick one of those fucking magnets (or a thousand) on your car, and you'll fit in with that big crowd just fine. The ignorant and proud.
The stupid fucks who really think we should be thankful for our wars. But the dumb bitch that wrote that probably won't ever take the time to read anything written here, after skimming a couple paragraphs and then shitting out an opinion. Fuck you for my country.
Answer your question?
Sorry you guys! I'd like to apologize on behalf of whoever wrote that. Sometimes it's like shoveling shit against the tide. Don't let it get you down. z
I only just read this post, because I've been moving to a different state and starting law school, but I have to tell you I loved it... made me want to print it out and post it all over Boston. And what happened to be playing on our stereo while I was reading it was Amos Lee's "I Am At Ease in the Arms of A Woman" which seems like it wouldn't fit, but it did. Just wanted to say, good work.
Stoploss,
I have boundless love for you in a totally platonic way and all, but dude, this has to be the last blog change, I swear. Some of us are going dizzy trying to catch up. :)
That said, that's a fairly decent prescription for getting out. I'll follow it when I can.
Stoploss, I am an English professor (and army spouse) with a bachelor's in business and doctorate in English, so by education I am an expert in writing and marketing. That said, your post is beautifully constructed. It is highly informative, precise, entertaining, endearing, and in many places bittersweet. You have a lot of talent. The professors and classmates who have you in their classes are damn lucky.
Anon 6 Oct:
Thank you very much. It means quite a bit to read words as nice as yours. In the future, I hope to keep your interest.
- Jason
Post a Comment