Tonight

by 13 Stoploss

Cheap Champagne with the missus.

Stoploss Backpay Compensation Update 6

by 13 Stoploss

Got an email this morning and WHAT a way to start off the morning!

Dear Jason Davis,

Regarding Retroactive Stop Loss Payment Case Number RSL00000230-1R for Army Service Member Jason Davis.


Your claim was processed today and will be sent to DFAS. The claim was submitted for {14} months. It was submitted for the difference between your ETS, (contractual obligation) and your release from active duty. It is only for days served on active duty. Please allow up to eight weeks for processing. Thank you.

Stop Loss Case Manager MD

Xmas Vacation: Pacific Northwest pt. 2

by 13 Stoploss

Nikon D700

Beanie and Long-sleeved undershirt--it's a winter staple...

Laurelton Falls, Oregon

Laurelton Falls, Oregon

Lower Bridal Veil Falls, Oregon

Lower Bridal Veil Falls, Oregon

Astoria Column, Oregon

From the Astoria Column, Oregon

I'm better at Wii bowling in my onesy than you are.

Rolleiflex Automat 3.5 Zeiss-Opton, Fuji Velvia/Fuji Neopan Acros

Near Laurelton Falls, Oregon

Laurelton Falls, Oregon

Near Mount Rainier, Washington

Near Mount Rainier, Washington

Near Mount Rainier, Washington

The 2010 Experiment

by The Usual Suspect


This is my personal challenge, to myself, and I welcome you all to join me in it for this next year, if not the rest of your lifetimes.

Work hard, the universe doesn't give a shit about the slothful, and damn sure won't reward them.

Play harder, life is hard enough.

Love hardest of all, because our time is borrowed, and like it or not, we pay our debts on time.

Its simple. Several core elements to every man and woman, things they keep in mind at all times. Dignity, self reliance, humility, respect, compassion, decisiveness, the will to forge the best life with the small amount of time given. Just naming a few, just from brainstorm and inspiration alone.

Use that dormant, dreaming part of your brain for a minute, if you're feeling super saucy, and dream with me for a minute:

You are someone who is aware of the direction your nation is going. You are someone who is aware that there are people who are not from the same land as you, people who speak a different language, but you understand that they are people too, and not just a convenience to find on your Discovery Channel.

You are someone who is aware of the perils of the world, and are prepared accordingly to defend the things that you hold dear. And you're someone that is strong enough to stand the horrors of others' weakness without passing it on.

One of the most vital lessons you can learn in the Army is that if you want to be a good leader, you should observe your leaders and emulate the strong points, discard the weak points. Do this with enough role models, and hopefully you're heading in the right direction (yeah, chump, don't think you can ever stop learning).

You leave a legacy, no matter how much or how little you do. You cannot exist without having an impact on the world. So fuck you and your idea of just "going along and getting along". You changed the equation just by existing, and that wasn't even your choice. Harsh world huh?

2010 is a cool number, feels like it should show promise. Space movies and whatnot. Think about an iPod Touch. Smaller than your wallet, and can hold way more albums than you should ever be able to conveniently handle. The fact that we can even RECORD sounds and music is mindblowing, and more than humanity was probably ever meant to do.

So uh, let's try not to be such douchebags this next decade? Fill a few less body bags, just for shits n giggles? Or don't. Your choice. Universe is gonna keep on dicking around anyway. Long after we're all worm food, and our great great great great great great NOT SO GREAT grandkids are gonna bitch in school about how "No one wants to hear about how the stupid ancient Americans were arrogant, self important dicks! BOOOOOOOOOOOORING!!!!!"



Too long, didn't read?

Imagine if you were the SINGLE specimen chosen to sum up your home country. Or the human race in general. What kind of example would you be? I'd be a pisspoor example. So break out some resolutions, and act like your word is worth something.

Happy holidays.

Bachelor of Arts Gripe

by The Usual Suspect

There is no conspiracy to control TV programming to keep the masses stupid. They put something on TV, you decide to watch it or not. If you watch it, advertisers throw money at it, to make more of it, to get you to watch more, get to know those products more in the meantime, and many families are fed through this process. Capitalism fuckin' rules.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to cry "conspiracy" as much as the next guy, because that shit is FA-SCI-NATING, but it sounds more like a go-to excuse for failed creative types that just talked about doing great things instead of actually doing the hard, mundane bitch work that goes into creating incredible things. Then again, it somehow became a common pattern to assume that success is predetermined by the fates, and if it isn't handed to you, all laid out like the Yellow Brick Road, complete with ever-loyal pals to guide you the whole way, well...then it just wasn't meant to be.

Bullshit. That just means that your spare time is being wasted. Fuck paycheck to paycheck wage slaving, I don't have kids or major responsibilities yet, I'm gonna go back and kick college in the dick for a bit. Finish the job Clint Eastwood style.

Christmas Vacation: Pacific Northwest

by 13 Stoploss

1445, Friday, 11 December: Left Orange County. Took two hours and forty-five minutes to get through Los Angeles in the rain. Did 75 MPH through the pass, and cruised through intermittent rain up the grapevine. Got into Sacramento at 21:15.

0845, Saturday, 12 December: Very little visibility through Redding. Pouring rain north of Redding and through the Shasta's. Thankfully, no ice or snow, and I was able to drive a confident and consistent 75 MPH through the mountain twisties in the rain. After this trip, I may never go back to 2WD.

Late Dinnertime, Saturday, 12 December: I'm in love with Portland. Can't wait to go back.

2107, Saturday, 12 December: Welcome to Fort Lewis, Washington. Visitor's Center wanted my driver's license, Mrs. 13's Driver's license, my vehicle registration, and proof of insurance. What happened to just showing one license and writing down the license plate number for a visitor's pass to tape to the window?

0926, Sunday, 13 December: NCO enlisted housing overlooking a lake. Coffee.

1048, Sunday, 13 December: It's snowing!

2309, Sunday, 13 December: So, I haven't been on "post" yet and I'm not even sure which post I'm on--but this place is strange and beautiful in a quiet and relaxed way. In 24 hours, I haven't seen a single ACU or "soldier." I had never intended to go back to the Army, but this place kicks serious ass compared to Fort Campbell. For starters, there's more than just two hick towns full of Wal-Marts...

Around lunchtime, we drove up Mount Rainier looking for snow, but there wasn't any... we finally turned around and on the way down, it started snowing pretty heavily. Supposed to head into Seattle tomorrow, but it rained and snowed all afternoon and now the roads are black... so, we'll see.

1100, Monday, 14 December: Let's go to Safeco Field and the Space Needle!

1545, Tuesday, 15 December: We're in Oregon. Daytime traffic in Portland and Beaverton sucks. Weather was so rainy, visibility on the freeway was difficult. Couldn't see the taillights of the car in front of me at 75 in the left lane. But we made it safely and are ready for fun!

Stoploss Backpay Compensation Update 5

by 13 Stoploss

VetVoice has the goods, via Stars and Stripes, if you were still waiting (of course you are). Apparently this ordeal wasn't funded, and those funds didn't become available until November 19 (incidentally, the end of my own 8-year military service obligation). Of the one-hundred and twenty thousand soldiers and veterans eligible, only 264 will be paid by next week. After that, branches will be submitting applications to DFAS every week, potentially by the thousand.

Richard Smith begs an important question at the end of his note, and it's worth repeating here: if your case manager sent you the email saying your months do not match what is on record, why were we submitting an application if DA already had our records?

My unresearched guess is that top official A at DA had a deadline to meet (October 21) and no funds available. Wouldn't want everything to run smoothly when there are no funds. So, have the soldiers continue on and let things sort themselves out--the soldiers who apply will fuck it all up, and blame will be shifted to them instead of DA. Then, once the money comes, things will naturally unfuck, and some tireless schmuck at DA or DFAS will take credit for giving the soldiers their money. End of story and I have a new 50" Plasma on my wall in January instead of for Christmas. Oh well...

Real Men Fight Two Enemies At A Time

MAIN BOUT - 24/7 ONGOING UNTIL FINISH
U.S.A., HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD
vs
TERRORISM IN IRAQ
and
TERRORISM IN AFGHANISTAN
and
OTHER STUFF

Peewee Leagues this Winter/Spring:
SUSPECT, FORMER THIRD TRUMPET, 4TH GRADE
vs
THERAPY A LA V.A.
and
[Winner] VOCATIONAL REHAB vs POST 9/11 GI BILL
and
THE SECOND COLLEGE INVASION

"I think that the first time, our allies let us down, they just weren't able to work fast enough and deliver such a tall order, and we didn't have a SOLID plan. I must admit, we really believed that we'd be able to blitz our way in there. We were overconfident, maybe even arrogant. We never believed that our support channels could be cut off like that. This time around, we're more humble, more aware of the risks and potential pitfalls, hopefully a little wiser, and we're fumigating a strategy. We're gonna hit 'em hard, we're gonna hit 'em fast, and we're going to take care of all the little problems along the way, and we are certainly not going to make any more promises we can't keep. God willing, we're gonna win." -Suspect on the First College Invasion.

When asked to clarify whether he was talking about the Iraq/Afghanistan wars or not, Suspect looked confused and remarked that he wasn't aware "that people watch that game anymore."

When asked to clarify who "we" were, Suspect said, "Me and my big mouth."

The Reading List

by The Usual Suspect

Ladies and gents, I've been reading a book that was passed on to me. It's written by COLONEL Jack Jacobs (Ret.), so you can imagine my skepticism towards an account from the commissioned perspective. Then I noticed that he's a Medal of Honor recipient, and immediately shut my mouth.

It's called "If Not Now, When?" and it's exceeding my expectations. The details, that's where he convinced me that he was for real. He talks about the way that sweat leaves a chalky outline on uniforms, the tendency to stare at the ground instead of ahead of you, watching fat beads of sweat splatter in the dirt. The little things that you don't think to tell people about.

He has a friendly way of storytelling, like you can see him sitting on a porch, sipping lemonade and reminiscing into a dictaphone. It's very humble honesty. I consider this to be the counter-balance to John Leppelman's Blood On The Risers, also a Vietnam memoir. He pulls no punches describing combat, describing it in ways that let you almost see it.

After I finish this one, Travis L. Ayres' "The Bomber Boys" is next. It's about the B-17 bomber crews that flew in World War II.

Give 'em a look, and feel free to pass on recommendations.

The Price Of Domestication

by The Usual Suspect

Catching up on emails and reading comments and whatnot. As far as OUR general population? Pfff....

Back in the 'Nam days, your programmed response was to spit.

With our Brave New War, you've learned to support the troops but not the war. Green Day sells millions of albums, thankfully they don't have the ear of anyone who is in control of anything, since only kids are dumb enough to pay the bills for those fucking jackoffs. "Lay down your arms" like it's that simple. HOLY FUCK, BILLY JOE, WE NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT! Live in a fantasy world, but your gayass songs aren't going to save you if you ever find yourself in a situation where the rules don't apply anymore. Which leads me to my focus:

What would YOU do if all systems failed?

You're driving home from the job that you hate, dead fucking tired and unenthused about the interests you used to have, and all the power goes out. Starts off with just traffic accidents, and the authorities do what they can to contain it, but the truth is that you are all animals and I don't care if you'll admit it or not.

Let's suppose, for argument's sake, that the fabric of society came unraveled. The very worst of humanity. Looting, raping, pillaging, stealing, lying, racism. Just give it time, think about the power struggles. You have them with co-workers, just on a tiny, insignificant scale. Now Johnny Law isn't around because Johnny Law is either dead or smart enough to change profession. Regardless, he probably won't be around to save your candy ass when your vegan peacenik coworker is gutting you for the cas in your car.

"Oh no, I would NEVER harm another living being!" says the philosophy major.

"I would," says the morally flexible opportunist. After the murder.

I don't suppose you know how to purify water do you? I'll admit that I don't either. Might be a good thing to find out.

Anyway, these kids? "My" people? Most of 'em, none of this means dick until it applies to them. People aren't going to care on a mass scale until it's right in front of them, and by then, it's too late. War is part of humanity, fellas. Love your dream, John Lennon, but that's all it is. You'll find no truer symbol than the yin-yang. Humans are both "good" and "bad". That's one of the unchanging conditions of this "Life" game.

Don't get me wrong, I hope it never happens. But if one day you walk out your front door to find your whole world on fire, do us all a favor and skip the shock and denial part and go help fortify a fucking hospital, because they'd most likely be the last bastion of humanity and they just aren't big enough to handle the mass casualties that would ensue. "WHAT ABOUT US?!" becomes the warcry of angry mobs. Religious war wouldn't be such an abstract idea, but a reality. Like civilization reshuffling the deck, complete with all the misery and death that comes with it. The victors will call it a revolution. Mass graves, everyone is a missing person to someone, the life you knew was just a dream compared to the way things are now, and uncertainty is a word that you use to describe your every waking moment, instead of that brief feeling you experience when you try to decide what you're going to have for dinner.

Yeah yeah yeah, crazy vet, blah blah. I have no high horse, if this protective bubble goes tits up, I'm just as fucked as the rest of you. Sure, the overwhelming goodness of people will allow for eventual stability, but even in a temporary chaos, a lot can happen.

Now, this way of life is the right of every person, the peaceful, unafraid, Not Building A Panic Room method of living and taking comfort in our system. I just found myself wondering what would happen if the rug was pulled out from underneath us. OH WELL. THAT'LL NEVER HAPPEN TO US.

BOHICA?

by 13 Stoploss

Sergeant So and So of the United States Army called me this morning. He asked how I was, very open-endedly. Seizing the moment to shove that trash back in his face, I told him I was in school and loving it. I could practically see him reading down a list of approved responses when he asked me what I was studying and where. I told him journalism at UC Irvine and that he should look into school himself.

He laughed, and was not controlling the conversation very well. I could tell he was new to this, and was a little timid.

I asked him if he was local. He laughed, said “yeah,” and he asked me if I was having any trouble paying for school.

Seriously?

This dude didn’t even know I was a veteran? I thought he was trying to get me back in, but he was just trying to get me in—like I was some poor student affected by the recent 32% tuition increase to the UC.

I asked him if he’s heard of Chapter 33. You know, the Post-9/11 GI Bill?

“Nah, I haven’t.”

“Ahh, that’s too bad, bro. I get 100% tuition, $1000 a year for books, and E5 BAH with dependents. In Orange and LA County, that’s $2152 per month just to go to school. You should really look into it—it’s a pretty sweet deal. Beats calling punk ass kids on the phone.”

He laughed again and told me to have a nice morning.

But that’s not all. Stupid Kory texted me this morning. He said I should get my disability before they try to recruit me again. I thought he was commenting on my Facebook status, but he was actually just telling me what happened to him last night. Despite moving to Michigan with his girlfriend, Stupid Kory still gets called by California recruiters.

“They were telling me I had to go back. I told them I was 70% [disabled], and they said never mind and hung up on me like stupid bastards.”

What really bothers me about all this is when I interpret this in the context of Obama’s speech last night on Afghanistan. VetVoice raised some pretty good questions about the 30k troop increase, specifically where are they going to come from if there is no simultaneous drawdown in Iraq, a phasing out of stop loss, and an effort to match dwell time to deployment? None of it adds up—just like the health care bill. It’s irresponsible to promise something that doesn’t exist. Any Army people remember having to sit through check writing classes because so many soldiers were bouncing checks?

Uh oh.

Unless there’s a draft, this check is going to bounce. In my old unit, that was an automatic Article 15. Think the President cares about an Article 15?

I’m predicting BOHICA—either to deployed soldiers in the form of 18 month deployments and 9 month dwell time, or to the American public. This means you—Radical Student Union, Muslim Student Union, and other similar spoiled teenage protesters!

PS - Sorry for the remixes. Can't find the real version.

Fuck Yeah and Fuck No and Uh Oh!

by 13 Stoploss

More awesome MRE photo's here.

------------

Chasing War, Draft #3 updated.

------------

Oh yeah, by the way, Stoploss Compensation Backpay has no timeline, and not a single claim has been paid. If anyone knows how to reach him, Major Roy Whitley commented in the article. That sounds like a real name, hopefully he isn't the Wizard of Oz standing behind the curtain of some fake process to stifle and temporarily quiet the growing number of stop lossed veterans making noise.

In unrelated news, Mrs. 13 plucked four whites from my head yesterday and another one today.

Thanks

by 13 Stoploss

Eight years and six days ago, I enlisted. That means that my eight years are fucking done.

The story starts at the happiest place on earth. That's where I met Dan, and that is where I met Mrs. 13 Stoploss. We worked in the same restaurants in New Orleans. Times were great. When my apartment suddenly emptied one morning, and I was in need of roommates, my girlfriend and my friend moved in to split the rent. It was probably the best six months of my life. We drank PBR, cheap wine, and played video games all the time.

On the morning of all mournings, I received a call from work. They said Disneyland would be closed for the day. I was shocked and I didn't understand why. The lady on the phone told me to turn on the TV.

Dan disappeared.

He wouldn't answer his cell phone. He didn't come home for two days. When he did, I told him I would kick his ass if he did something irrational like enlisting. I asked him if he did. I had no reason to think he would, and he had never mentioned a desire or previous interest, but I felt after the events, it was something crazy that he would do. He hadn't done it yet, but he'd been talking.

We were all doomed from the start. The fucking recruiter lived across the street. He brought over beer and Mexican food, and we stayed up all night playing video games. SSG Rod was cool as shit, and he never lied to us. He answered our questions, and only minorly glossed over a few details.

Maybe I'm too nice...

Dan was the first to go. He went off to Relaxin' Jackson a week before us. Wanted to learn how to cook, and had a thing for Asians, so he got himself a three year deal with time in Korea. Robyn and I got married and enlisted on the same day--like it was shopping list, we checked off chores for the day. She was eighteen; I was nineteen.

We finished up the lease on our apartment. Dan left for Basic, and Robyn and I left a week later. She went to Jackson, and I went to Benning--Home of the Infantry.

We didn't see Dan much during those years, but we talked occasionally on the phone. After two years in Korea, he went to Carson to finish up his last year. I had just got back from Iraq, and was preparing for a stop lossed second tour. Eventually, I made it home. He had established some sort of midnight-shift living for himself. Seemed to be doing well. We hung out every other month. He's our oldest, and perhaps closest friend.

There's no moral here. There's no definitive message--just a background check. We hadn't seen Dan in maybe six months or more. So he came over tonight, with a gallon of rum, and for a few hours, it was like old times. The kids were in bed. The drinks were served, and we laughed and talked and watched a movie.

There's a lot I'm thankful for. I am blessed in many ways with which I hope to never take for granted. But for tonight, I'm thankful for old friend: the non-plural. The only one who has always been around, and who has never drifted too far away for too long a period of time. Sadly, I can't really say the same for anyone else.

Stoploss Backpay Compensation Update 4

by 13 Stoploss

Got this email tonight. Clicked on the link, entered some info, and it brought me to some page with my information on it. There, I was able to type a message to my case manager. I said hi.

Well, I said more than that, but basically, I told 'em to give me money based on what the DD214 says, that I didn't dispute the months.

Yeah, we'll see what happens next.

-----------

Dear Jason Davis,

Retroactive Stop Loss Payment Case Number RSL00000XXX for Army Service Member Jason Davis.

To inquire about your claim status or to submit additional information or documents, you can return to the Retroactive Stop Loss Payment website at this specific page address:

https://www.stoplosspay.army.mil/Notes.aspx

For the Login you will need to enter your Case number: RSL00000XXX , your Service Member SSN and this Password: XXXXXXXXXX . This password can be used for multiple return visits, please save it for future use. If you forget this password, you will need to contact the Help Desk for a new one.

Please do not reply to this unmonitored mailbox, to contact the Help Desk send e-mail to RetroStopLossPay@conus.army.mil

Reference Case: RSL00000XXX Action: COMM_EMAIL_RETURN_VISIT 11/25/2009 05:06 PM

Counting

by 13 Stoploss

Three years ago today, I got home.

Two days previous, just after midnight, I walked into the 2/502 Infantry Battalion headquarters. The Staff Duty NCO was a man I'd never seen before, a Staff Sergeant who was thin and athletic. His uniform was crisp and his hair was faded high and neatly; he wasn't Air Assault qualified and he didn't have a combat patch. I don't even remember his name. He looked at me, at my tattered jeans, my beanie, unshaven face, earrings, and asked, "Signing out on terminal?"

I smiled.

He got out his clipboard and received my terminal leave papers. He signed them, motioned for me to sign OUT of the Battalion on the staff duty log. I looked at the envious Specialists sitting behind the desk. The Staff Sergeant turned away, and without another word, I was free.

I stood there for a moment. I was the first of more than 120 stop lossed soldiers to sign out. There was nothing else. The Staff Sergeant disappeared, and I had no further instructions or responsibility.

Confusion was the first thought, but that curiously disappeared. Like one who realized he was standing in the wrong place at seconds before the wrong time, I regrouped, shoved open the doors, and briskly walked out. I did not take a long look back. I didn't even look back. I simply left.

Today, I walked into school with the same blue jeans and beanie. It was cool outside and the sky was blue and the sun was bright. I wore my BDU jacket through the park on the way to class. I walked past groups of ladies on their morning walks with averted eyes and suddenly hushed discussions. I haven't thought about the last three years and how quickly time has passed. After the first year of my enlistment, I downloaded a "countdown timer" onto my desktop. Everyday, I would watch the minutes and hours disappear, lamenting the number of days remaining. I watched the days shrink into fractions of what it was when I started. I even remember the day the countdown reached zero and the days and months that continued counting into the negatives. Three years had elapsed into a fourth when I completed my sentence.

I don't count anymore. I wish for time to slow like the bitch trick it used against me then, but it does not. Ravishing time speeds its rate when you find and enjoy your goal and I wish to stab it in the face with a brick to shatter its sands across the floor.

Turn and burn.

I will not die for you

by 13 Stoploss

Cuz, you know... we Neocons hide our other "inadequacies" with oversized flags.

An instructor friend of mine, among several others, is suing the Board of Trustees and the Chancellor of the school district in which he works. It seems that this BOT has repeatedly made, for many years, Christian prayers to open their board meetings, ceremonies, and other such functions. Many faculty and committees are required to attend these functions. Recently, the extremely right-wing and Christian board majority has taken to expanding their Christian agenda upon the ears of those who want nothing to do with it.

I'm not writing this for a tirade against Christianity. I'm not really bothered by it (though I AM in favor of the church/state separation). What I am bothered by is something else that was said at one of the latest board meetings. The chancellor presented some slide show to faculty at the beginning of the semester. From "Dissent the Blog":

I’ve been trying to locate the sappy patriotic video shown by Chancellor Raghu Mathur two weeks ago at his fall opening extravaganza. It presents a series of more-or-less patriotic images—including bald eagles and Americans experiencing hard times—and is accompanied by Lee Greenwood’s execrable “God Bless the USA,” a clumsy, bombastic anthem that seems to be “de Bomb” in Redneckville and environs.

I haven’t located the exact video.

I tried to remember the troublesome sentiment with which the video ends, and it appears that it is the following:

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you—Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

That’s right. Jesus Christ. This inarticulate blather ("defining forces" that make "offers"?) is making the rounds among the usual suspects.

That's right folks. Forces have offered. Two, defining forces that is.

Read that again. Jesus and Soldiers have offered to DIE FOR YOU. You know, because, we just can't wait to raise our right hands and off ourselves in combat. We're just dying to roll out on patrol to find a bomb to throw ourselves onto.

I take great offense to any "patriotic" boob who has never served and suggests that myself or my battle buddies are willing (OFFERING?!) to die for "insert cause." We are NOT willing to die and I am not your disposable hero or one-use condom.

None of these soldiers have offered themselves for you, or for your causes. So, FUCK YOU, Chancellor Raghu Mathur.

Stoploss Backpay Compensation Update 3

by 13 Stoploss

Dear Jason Davis,

Regarding Retroactive Stop Loss Payment Case Number RSLXXXXXXXX-XX for Army Service Member Jason Davis.


Your claim has been checked against the Official Military Personnel File (OMPF), after initial review, the months claimed are not in agreement. A Case Manager will review your submission. This will require additional time to process your claim.

Please do not reply to this unmonitored mailbox, to contact the Help Desk send e-mail to RetroStopLossPay@conus.army.mil

---------------------------

On a side note, someone had googled this and found this blog:

"your claim has been checked against the official military personnel file (ompf), your ssn does not appear on the master list of service members that were "stop lossed"."

Holy fuck. Dude just emailed me, too. That's why it's important to keep documentation. Stoploss Ryan, make sure your DD214 has that "kept ____ days at the expense of the government" clause. If so, you should be good to go, in time, after some haggling.

Withdrawals

Sometimes I think
about going back. I don't.
I think about it.

Humerus Break from Study

by 13 Stoploss

Before the accident (Baghdad, 2006)

I spend ten hours at this laptop everyday. Sometimes more. I’m averaging two four-page papers a week, and one of the reasons my head doesn’t shut off at night is because I am constantly reworking my thoughts and ideas. This week, I took on a new habit to cope with the sleep issues: pushups. It’s strange to admit this. There must be something wrong with me—after all, I remember what being a Private was like.

My study breaks are usually time away from the computer for family things like dinner, or a family walk, or an errand to the store. After the kids go to bed, a glass of rum or scotch soothes me into a relaxed and contemplative mood. Instead of papers, we have incorporated family movie night into the schedule once a week, and they are great fun. But I still find myself thinking about my papers.

The break, June 2007.

When I came home from the stop lossed tour in Iraq, I wanted to play baseball as a form of exercise. I wanted to do something for me, to enjoy living life again. I joined a competitive, 18+ wood bat league and found that I hadn’t missed a beat. I hadn’t played in nine years, but I could still keep up with the kids fresh out of high school. But, after a dozen games, my arm fell off. I was pitching and my humerus snapped. I still remember the ball flying into the backstop behind the batter. I remember the sound of the break and my barely attached arm floating toward the dugout while my body spun a half circle and collapsed to the ground beneath the pitchers mound. I laid silently on the ground with my arm twisted and contorted in unnatural ways next to me. The umpire walked up to me as my team crowded around me. “That’s a ball.”

Fortunately, the nerves were not severed, but they were damaged. My elbow used to extend greater than 180 degrees, and I now settle for about 170 degrees. It took seven months for the nerves to regenerate to where my fingers could extend. It took the thumb another three months. My arm had shriveled to a skeletal stick, but the break healed naturally on its own after being set in place. It isn’t perfect, but it is strong.

The Day After, June 2007.

After the break, I lost flexibility in my range of motion, as well as general strength. My shoulder is still tight. I can throw the tennis ball for the dog, but the days of throwing 85mph fastballs and knee buckling curves are over. There is no velocity, and no easy loft in my form. That is why I started doing pushups: to regain something that I have lost. I can only do ten, but hose ten are the hardest ten I’ve ever done and it feels so great when done. I hope for the muscle memory to kick in. I hope to work the strength back up—not to pitch again, but because it’s gratifying as an accomplishment.

Last night, as a study break, I did twelve pushups before my abs collapsed and my back caved in. Each night, I’m only going to do one set. I want to get the blood flowing. I want to break up the monotony of living online. I want to do just one more pushup a night than I did the previous night. That would be an accomplishment I can toast to before returning to Yeats and Wordsworth and Eliot and Mcphee and Volmann and Mitchell and Didion.

Playing the Game

by 13 Stoploss

More whining. Don't mind me. I just learned that I won't be getting the classes I had wanted for next semester. I'm not whining that I didn't get them, just of something else. But perhaps, this is what college is like? I suppose I had expected more.

My degree pattern requires 14 classes. The first quarter requires two intros. The second quarter requires one intro, and it is only offered once a year. One class. One class, as in one period, on one day, in one quarter a year. It is a prerequisite for the real classes, and they cannot be taken concurrently. I'm whining because that basically means I don't even get to practice my major until the third quarter. Of the 14 classes I have to take for my journalism major, one is reporting, one is intro to the writers of the genre, and the next one that is only offered once a year is the history and theory of the genre (literary journalism, creative nonfiction, immersion journalism, new journalism). That means I have to take three English classes, two upper division History classes, and three more English or Writing courses before graduation. In between next quarter and all that additional'ness is the real gist of my genre--three workshops on such awesome topics as "immersion journalism," "conflict of war," and a hundred other such titles with amazing descriptions that don't get recycled.

I don't doubt that I'll receive a proper education from talented instructors. I suppose I am disappointed because I expected more. Mrs. 13 was talking to me of her own similar university experiences, and she said, "Just play the game. It's like the Army, but with intelligent people."

Recruitment Made Easy

by The Usual Suspect

I've been playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. I'm just going to say that it's fucking amazing and leave it at that. The amount of Ranger contracts young pups request is going to go through the roof. Everyone's gonna want to be an Army Ranger. Guess we'll be ready for our next eight year bloodbath.

I'm not complaining or condemning the game, its impeccable. I'm just a little concerned with how cool they made war look. So its always been though. I still say that it's in our blood. I'm not justifying it, I'm just saying take a look around, look at the history books.

War isn't going anywhere.

Veterans Day

by 13 Stoploss

This Veterans Day/Week message is brought to you by Wilfred Owen.

Anthem for Doomed Youth

What passing-bells for these who die as cattle?

Only the monstrous anger of the guns.

Only the stuttering rifles' rapid rattle

Can patter out their hasty orisons.

No mockeries now for them; no prayers nor bells;

Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs, –

The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells;

And bugles calling for them from sad shires.

What candles may be held to speed them all?

Not in the hands of boys but in their eyes

Shall shine the holy glimmers of goodbyes.

The pallor of girls' brows shall be their pall;

Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,

And each slow dusk a drawing-down of blinds.

September - October, 1917

Dulce Et Decorum Est (It is sweet and meet to die for one's country!)

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of tired, outstripped Five-Nines that dropped behind.

Gas! Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime . . .
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

8 October 1917 - March, 1918

The VA visited my bank account today.

by 13 Stoploss

The VA visited my bank account today. They treated me very well (thank you LA/OC BAH).

I had originally planned to do a post today about how I've calmed down since last week. It would be my "grieving process" post, and I say grieving because I was scared shitless about how to pay bills when the money ran out. Yeah, well, when I got home from school today, Mrs. 13 ran up to me and hugged me and kissed me and told me I got laid. Paid. Paid. Money's in the bank. Got paid.

Sure enough, there it was.

So, back to the 5 steps of grieving.

1. Denial and Isolation: "Oh no the VA dih-unttt!"

2. Anger: "I want to punch the VA in the fucking throat!"

3. Bargaining: ...

4. Depression: "Well, there goes Christmas..."

5. Acceptance

I came to acceptance last night. I realized and understood just how seriously fucked the whole situation had become. Seriously, the VA had to hire to an outside private company to unfuck their shit. I realized there was nothing else I could do. It was out of my hands, and I could only simply wait and wait and wait. The government was good for it, right?

So, with my newfound acceptance, I had planned to start doing some research. I wanted to find out how this whole fiasco had started. I wanted to know who was responsible. Everyone knows who Shinseki and Duckworth are, but I don't think they're the ones responsible for the inherited mess. But again, I don't know. In my journalism class, we've been learning how to tap into certain internet tools for research. I decided I was going to use some of these to see what I could dig up.

So, even though I got paid, I still plan to do this. Just because I got paid does not mean that the overall situation itself is still not royally fucked. As a Sergeant in the Army, if I had been responsible for a fire mission that resulted in the death of American soldiers instead of the baddies, I'd be in deep shit. I'd probably lose my rank, or my position, or who knows what. In baseball, when a team underperforms, the manager is given some leeway to make adjustments. After a while, if nothing changes, then the manager is canned. In extreme cases, the general manager gets the boot. But you don't hear or read about this in the Army or VA. Well, except for the Walter Reed fiasco not too long ago. But even still, with the Post-9/11 GI Bill issue, the VA is barely treading water. I'm not saying that any single one person is responsible because I don't know.

But I want to know. That's pretty important right? Who is responsible for screwing over 200,000 student veterans who have honorably served their country?

When an issue arises, you find out what that issue is. If it is correctable, you make the necessary changes. The VA is working overtime. They made an immediate $3000 available to veterans. They just hired an outside company to oversee their affairs. These are the changes, and results need to happen. Progress needs to be made.

If progress is not made, then...?

Unanswered questions that need answering:

1) Who oversaw the implementation of education benefits starting on 1 May 2009?

2) If an emergency check can be sent to me within 7 days with a few simple details from an online application, why couldn't Ch.33 be the same?

3) What's up with the redundant mailings? (one, two)

4) Will next semester/quarter--after XMAS--be better than it was this semester/quarter? (THEY BETTER BE)

The VA just called me on the telephone.

by 13 Stoploss

The guy's name was Bob. He dictated some lengthy typed message. Wanted to confirm that his records indicated I had taken part in the VA's effort to, "simply put," get the money to me as quickly as possible. Then, between hiccups and brain farts in his monologue, he described the possible ramifications of owing the government if my advance was larger than what I am owed (it is not). Otherwise, his dictation promised that the remainder of my benefits would be fully paid by the end of the school year.

Then he said to "have a good night," and hung up.

Holy fuck shit, seriously VA?

It's 20:30, PST, and this dude is working 'round the clock to read me a fucking message? Wasn't that supposed to happen two weekends ago? Now, not only are benefits and claims processors behind schedule, the phone calling message reader guys are too!

And he accomplished nothing. When I cut him off in the beginning, I told him my advance was gone. Spent. Bills paid and nothing left, and still waiting. He laughed. I'm sure it made him feel uncomfortable. I've been on the other end of the phone in a shitty job cold-calling people who don't want to talk, and it sucks, so I didn't take it out on him. Why isn't that guy being trained to process claims?

Reminds me of Christmas as a kid. No kid wants a bunch of sweaters for Christmas, regardless of how well-intentioned they were by the grandparents.

I believe the VA has good intentions, but I don't yet believe in the VA.

I Want to Punch the VA in the Fucking Throat!

by 13 Stoploss

Hey, great news everyone. I submitted my Post-9/11 GI Bill application, and they received it!

It only took four weeks, but the VA has accepted my Post-9/11 GI Bill application!

Hey, great fucking news geniuses! The assholes over at the VA were kind enough to let me know how fucking squared away they are.

My school's VA Coordinator sent in my certification paperwork in late August. If you read that interview I posted a while back, you'd have seen that the regents from the University of California had a little tiff with the VA this summer. Had something to do with UC calling "tuition fees" by the name "education fees." You know how it goes--VA didn't like that one bit. UC had to toe the line, and naturally, that took big-shot fucking lawyers to get involved and make some changes in the wording...

So, couple weeks ago, I went online and got that emergency money. Took seven days to reach me. After bills go out today, that money has been reduced to $0.

Fucking zero.

To be honest, I had an inkling of hope that I was going to get paid today, you know, with the 1st day of the month falling on a Sunday, that makes today the last business day of the month. Yeah, I guess that won't be happening until next year now. Way to fucking save Christmas, Veterans Affairs.

Now what the fuck am I supposed to do?

Friday EDIT: This might help. But when? I *wonder* what the story behind this move is...

Saturday EDIT 2: Not going to scan this one, but I got a letter in the mail today from the VA. They wanted to let me know that the per monthly rate for Chapter 30 Montgomery GI Bill has increased. It was dated six days before the letter I received yesterday.

I wonder how much money the VA wastes on redundant paper mailings? Shouldn't there be a list tracking the names of veterans? It should be a giant Excel sheet, and it should be updated to include whether the vet is on Chapter 30, 31, or 33. So, aside from the double mailing I received yesterday, which was received five fucking months after I got the first one, this giant Excel sheet would let the VA know that I don't need to know about the $67 increase to the obsolete Chapter 30 because I'm enrolled in Chapter 33!!

Imagine the savings on postage, envelopes, paper, and ink. That could be tens, or even a couple hundred thousand useless mailings. How much money would that save in a year? Taxpayer money just pissed down the shitter.

Is it time to reform?

File Sharing

by 13 Stoploss

Today, the OC Weekly used one of my photos from yesterday's coverage of the Zombie Protest at UC Irvine. They're looked at as being pretty decent around these parts, especially since the Bush-loving Orange County Register's parent company has filed for bankruptcy.

Pretty cool.

Popcorn

by 13 Stoploss

I was eating popcorn the other night. One of those late night munchy deals where even the pills and the booze weren't helping me sleep. I went downstairs and had this great big green bowl, just filled to the brim with popcorn. Buttery organic shit from Trader Joes.

And then I saw it, stiff-armed like a baby in the bowl. It was too beautiful to eat, and so I saved it. I'll not be the first to start the game...

Bronica ETRSi, Fuji Neopan Acros

Walk With Me In Hell

by The Usual Suspect

(Quite obviously not directed toward the readers. The people who warrant this post are the same people that will never read it. Let the worms have them.)

To my ungrateful generation,

This world is full of people who demand respect without earning it. That's a commodity that I can no longer afford to give away freely. If I haven't earned someone's respect by now, then I never will, and that's fine. The more I think about it, the more I realize that you have NOT earned mine. Thought you had it for free? I can't believe you're still alive when some of the best men I'll ever know died in someone else's country. As far as I'm concerned, this ain't your land anymore. We earn our keep. You'll always be below me now, not because of what you haven't done, but because of how you conduct yourself despite what you have not done. Don't dare try to cheapen what we go through. Come experience it for yourself.

Roll the dice, take a chance card. Spin the wheel, sit for a spell and let the Russian Roulette begin. Let's do some time in the meat grinder together, THEN you can open your mouth. Until then, you're cattle with an inflated ego and unfounded opinions. Empty, vapid, soulless byproducts of bad TV and shitty rap music.

See the beauty of several 240Bravos lighting up the night with red tracers, some snapping off and bouncing off the ground and high into the sky until they burn out.

Feel the sigh of relief every time you pass a car and it doesn't explode.

Attend a military funeral of someone who isn't old enough to drink.

Make the choice between life and death. Know what its like to spare a life without that person ever knowing. No gratitude, no humility.

Witness true suffering. Smell the third world. Feel the filth on your skin. Know the huge flies on a first name basis.

Learn how different gunfire sounds when its directed at you. Experience mortal fear. Feel blast waves rush through your body and wring your intestines and throw you to the ground. Know what it's like to wonder if you're dead for a couple seconds.

Let someone change your priorities for you. Let someone completely alter your perspective on life. Walk among the people that you're going to "help" (but only as long as coalition forces caused any injuries, otherwise go see an Iraqi doctor, sorry about your baby with severe respiratory problems, the Captain says we can't do anything for him.)

I will not be made to feel weird by my own people and my own generation. I'm not going to hide in my own skin. I'm a combat veteran, that's who I am now. I'm going to size you up without thinking about it. Nothing personal. My instincts need to do a threat assessment. You're wrong if you think I can't relate to you. It's YOU that can't relate to us.

You're the one that missed out, you didn't want to be part of the action, and that's fine. Maybe you were smarter than I was at the time. But really, I think you're just too self involved.

I will not go out of my way to accomodate your ignorance. I won't spare your feelings and I don't care what makes your stomach turn. I don't care if you like me. I don't care about you at all. Until you show me otherwise, you're just a suckling pig, ripe for the slaughter, and thank your lucky stars Uncle Sam hasn't come calling yet.

I want you to at least man up and say, "I don't care about what anyone in uniform has done for this country." Your actions already say it, just be honest. I can respect the balls it takes to admit something like that. But you won't. You're going to be the same pitiful, impotent malcontent your entire life, except someday sooner than you expect, you're going to be old. If you're lucky. Tomorrow you might be dead. Or the next day. Regardless, it's guaranteed, you're going to die, buddy. You're fucked. Days are numbered. Borrowed time. I take comfort in that. Nature will run its course and flush you without a second thought.

You want my respect? Walk with me in hell. My family, our readers, and the few remaining friends I have, they already do.

Stoploss Backpay Compensation Update 2

by 13 Stoploss

Got an email this afternoon. By my calculations, this email reached me 5 weeks, 6 days, and 18 hours quicker than the letter the VA mailed me when they accepted my application for the Post-9/11 GI Bill.

Dear Jason Davis,

A Retroactive Stop Loss Payment for Army Service Member Jason Davis has been established as Case Number RSL********.

If you need to submit supporting documents, please send them in as soon as possible.

Mail to:
U.S. Army G-1
Retro Stop Loss Pay
Suite 302
5109 Leesburg Pike
Falls Church, VA 2204



Email to: RetroStopLossPay@conus.army.mil

REPENT OR HELL!!

by 13 Stoploss

Every morning, Paul Mitchell gets out of bed, and drops to his knees in prayer. The sixty-seven year old retired fireman prays for strength and courage in his ministry to young college students. He prays for them because he knows them, and because he used to be one of them—searching for that next party, those next bong hits, or that next piece of ass. But for the last forty years, since he became a born-again Christian, Paul has been wandering the southern California college circuit with a giant picket trying to win over students’ souls for Christ. According to Paul, the world is festering in a stink of sin, and only Jesus can cleanse us from the desolate wasteland of immorality.

To Paul, nothing better exemplifies the work of Satan than a college. Santa Barbara to San Diego is his Jerusalem, and he likes to catch young adults at the crossroad in their lives, imagining his 3x5 foot vinyl banner as a fishnet for salvation. According to the Old Testament book of Ezekiel, Paul is called to be a watchman, Heaven’s hall monitor held responsible for pointing out the sin in others. He takes serious this responsibility of preaching the Gospel truth to homosexuals and Muslims and covetous money-grubbers. After all, they’re the ones destroying the vision of his Christian America.

As a street preacher, confrontation is a daily occurrence, and there are no smooth days for Paul. Everyday is a clash of words and egos, and Paul is aware that 99% of the people he encounters are going to blow him off. He is continuously mocked, and derided for the hate-filled words of his banner. Sometimes he is spit on. Once, he was physically attacked, and earlier this year, he was arrested for antilocution. Despite daily struggles, Paul cheerfully alludes to everyday being a success because he has never failed as a communicator. As a faithful servant of his master, Paul bears his cross, and leaves a business card in passing: “REPENT OR HELL” is the message, directing visitors to purchase a PDF booklet he has written on his website, PreachTruth.org.

“HEY, YOU BIGOTED PIECE OF SHIT! WHY DON’T YOU SHOVE THAT SIGN UP YOUR FUCKING ASS?!“

Paul is not cool and collected when verbally attacked. Rage reddens his leathered face, and his voice quivers with an awkward, raised response. The scowl on his lips gives his words a sense of pomposity and arrogance. The other kids laugh and point and make fun of him like it was grade school, but his eyes are fiery and alive with unfettered passion. As the fury escapes him, Paul gestures toward the student with his free hand like he was casting out a demon; the kid flips him off, foaming curses and insults before being escorted away by campus police.

Despite the confidence, Paul looks tired and worn out from the same questions and perverted jeering he sees everyday. Those who gather to watch are amused by the entertainment, silently perusing the freak show activity from a distance. Out of curiosity, they smile, and take pictures of the crowd with their cell phones while secretly hoping for violence. Other students engage in a frenzied debate, flailing their arms endlessly about. To Paul, Jesus Christ is the only man who ever rose from the dead. Christianity is the biggest religion in the world, and the Bible is the best selling book of all time. To Paul, it’s a no brainer—just connect the dots. He says people don’t understand because they don’t want to understand. They already have their position, and God is proactive in keeping them blind. They will not have the ability to understand the message, unless they want to understand. Yet, for the same reason, he is hostile to the reckoning of those who argue with him. To those around him, Paul is backwards, close-minded, and intolerant of anything other than himself.

When Paul was two years old, his father died. At twelve, his stepfather died. Later, in the formative years of his adolescence, he watched his mother wreck her life with an addiction to alcohol. Without much influence in his life, Paul turned to college to have a good time. It wasn’t long thereafter that he dropped out, eventually finding himself confronted with the realities of the world. That is when he turned to Christ. That is when he willingly became narrow-minded to follow the moral guidelines of what he believes is God’s written word.

Through various incarnations of the sign, Paul continues to “preach from the rooftops.” Four schooldays a week, he travels, putting him in position to be martyred for the provocation of hate and intolerance. “One day this will all be over” he says, “and I’ll be in heaven. We’re in a depression, headed for inflation. Obama is an idiot, and we are in a freefall. We are on the downside of the greatness of this country. And when Jesus comes back, he won’t be a little lamb bouncing around. He’ll come back as the lion of the tribe of Judah, ready to execute His judgment.

You better repent.”

Thoughts on the Stop Loss Backpay Application

by 13 Stoploss

Earlier this afternoon, I was contacted by James Dao, National Correspondent for Military and Veterans Affairs at the New York Times. He had a few questions about the stop loss backpay. This afternoon, his article, for which I am included, was posted online at the NYTimes.

As you know (reported here last night), I applied online using a digital upload of both my DD214, and a DD4. The questionnaire only takes a few minutes, but it asks for information like your SSN, current residence, EFT numbers, and most importantly, the dates and primary location of your involuntary extension.

I imagine that I was one of the first to apply online, and the process went smoothly. Tonight, however, I have been unable to load the web address from two different computers. My guess is that the website is being bombarded by student veterans like myself who have yet to get paid by the Post-9/11 GI Bill...

In the coming days, we shall hopefully learn more. And, it's important to note that the web questionnaire specifically asked for an email address and phone number to keep the veteran up to date on the progress of his applications. Here's to hoping my $6500 reaches me before Xmas--I've got visions of a 50" Panasonic TC-P50V10 Plasma mounted on the wall of my living room...

Anyone got any bets on the dates for the payout? I'll be optimistic and say the odds are 2:1 that I get the money before my Post-9/11 Gi Bill money comes in!

Retroactive Stoploss Pay: GET SOME!!

by 13 Stoploss

edit: took me less than ten minutes to fill out and submit my claim for EFT payment. Just make sure you have a scan of your DD214.

---------------------------

From the man:

Retroactive Stop Loss Special Pay

What is it?

Soldiers, veterans and survivors of those whose service was involuntarily extended under Stop Loss between September 11, 2001 and September 30, 2008 can apply to receive $500 for every month, or portion of a month, they served under Stop Loss. The 2009 War Supplemental Appropriations Act established and largely funded the payment for all military services, but dictated that each service process and pay their own applicants. The Army estimates that 136,000 of the approximately 174,000 eligible servicemembers served in the Army.

What has the Army done?

The Army has created an application process for active-and-reserve component Soldiers, veterans, and survivors of Soldiers to process claims for Retroactive Stop Loss Special Pay. By law, the Army can only accept claims between October 21, 2009 and October 21, 2010. Eligible candidates must submit their request within this timeframe, or the Army will not be able to process their request. The Army has set up an email address to field questions people have regarding the benefit.

How can people apply?

Candidates for Retroactive Stop Loss Special Pay must submit a claim at Retroactive Stop Loss Web site . This Web site is the preferred method for submitting applications; however, other means for doing so, such as by mail or fax, will be available to those without access to computers. Additional communications will provide instructions for alternative forms of submission. During the application process, candidates will be asked to show documentation that indicates the time they served under Stop Loss. The necessary documentation, depending on their type of service, includes the following:

● Enlisted Soldiers need to present their DD Form 214 and DD Form 4 Enlistment/Reenlistment/Extension contract(s).

● Enlisted Soldiers who were in an indefinite status need a memorandum showing retirement/separation request was denied or an approved retirement/ separation was amended.

● Officers need a DD Form 214 and memorandum showing Retirement/ Separation request was denied or an approved retirement/separation was amended.

● National Guard Soldiers need to show DA Form 4187 for Stop Loss adjustment of ETS, separation documentation NGB Form 22, and/or NGB Form 1966.


What continued efforts does the Army have planned for the future?

The Army will review, process and pay qualified candidates as they submit their applications atRetroactive Stop Loss Web site. Candidates who meet the criteria and show the required documentation will receive their retroactive payment in a one lump sum. The Army will not accept applications submitted after October 21, 2010.

Oh yeah, don't forget the User Agreement (I particularly like bullet point 2):

User Agreement
You are accessing a U.S. Government (USG) information system (IS) that is provided for USG-authorized use only.

PRIVACY NOTICE: Solicitation of information contained herein may be used as a basis for retroactive stop loss pay determinations. The Military Department describes how your information will be maintained in the Privacy Act system of record notice published in the Federal Register.

AUTHORITY: Public Law 111-32, Section 310.

CLAIMANT: A claimant is the veteran or an eligible recipient of the veteran’s estate of a deceased veteran. If claimant is incompetent, please include conservator documentation with this form. In addition, if payment is being made to the veteran’s estate, proper supporting documentation must also be submitted with this form. Non-submission of this documentation will delay payment.

PRINCIPAL PURPOSE: Requested information is used to determine the claimant’s current mailing address before a check is issued to pay the increase in the amount previously paid as authorized in Public Law 110-181, Section 675.

ROUTINE USES: Used by the Army for verification of eligibility and then by the Defense Finance and Accounting Services for payment of Retroactive Stop Loss payments. The claim must be filed by October 21, 2010.

DISCLOSURE: Voluntary. However, failure to provide information will delay payment.

By using this IS (which includes any device attached to this IS), you consent to the following conditions

• The USG routinely intercepts and monitors communications on this IS for purposes including, but not limited to, penetration testing, COMSEC monitoring, network operations and defense, personnel misconduct (PM), law enforcement (LE), and counterintelligence (CI) investigations.
• At any time, the USG may inspect and/or seize data stored on this IS.
• Communications using, or data stored on, this IS are not private, are subject to routine monitoring, interception, and search, and may be disclosed or used for any USG authorized purpose.
• This IS includes security measures (e.g., authentication and access controls) to protect USG interests--not for your personal benefit or privacy.
• Notwithstanding the above, using this IS does not constitute consent to PM, LE or CI investigative searching or monitoring of the content of privileged communications, or work product, related to personal representation or services by attorneys, psychotherapists, or clergy, and their assistants. Such communications and work product are private and confidential.
• The Retroactive Stop Loss system requires use of Social Security Numbers (SSN). SSN is needed to match your records for deployment, benefits and tax reporting. Executive Order 9397 (3 CFR (1943-1948 Comp.) 283-284) requires all Federal components to use the SSN "exclusively" whenever the component finds it advisable to set up a new identification system for individuals. The Retroactive Stop Loss project takes its responsibility to protect the privacy of personal information very seriously.

Fall is Coming

by 13 Stoploss

See the colors. See the campus.

Despite two days of rain last week, we still have the A/C and ceiling fans turned on. Even that is not enough to sleep sweatlessly through the night...

Rolleiflex Automat 3.5 Zeiss Tessar Opton, Kodak Portra 400NC - For details on the photos and camera, click here.

A Small Start

by 13 Stoploss

Got my first "feature" published in the school paper.

Through The Eyes Of My Enemy

by The Usual Suspect

I think I have the answer for a question that has bothered me since the beginning of my deployment. "What are these guys REALLY fighting us for?"

Now it's simple. The cycle of violence. I look at my own people as if they were my enemy, "just in case". It's like meeting Death, and Death turning out to be a very intriguing person. The kind that you aren't finished talking to. Conversation isn't over. Death is out of my life right now, and like a fool, I'm looking for my Weird New Friend. Like understanding it will somehow remove you from the human condition.

Life and Death. The elusive paradox. It's this huge mystery. And when it gets in your head, it stays, because you can't answer the questions your mind throws at you, not for sure. Are you going to get cancer? Diabetes? Fail to look both ways before crossing the street? Choke on a Mentos while shrugging a bank robbery off?

Death. It's final. There's no rebuttal, no appeals. It's a threshold for man. We can cause it, but after that, fuck, we don't know. We have a few ideas, but we're still killing the people who think otherwise, not because God told us to do so, but because it WORKS. Kill someone and they will never wrong anyone else again. Kill someone and they'll never stab you in the back. Kill kill kill. Shove that other life form off the mortal coil. No matter what you believe, you know that killing gets shit done, CONCLUSIVELY. Guard yourself, you who would fall in love with the premise of killing. There's always someone who's willing to kill you while believing that what they are doing is right. And because it's in our blood. Yes, yours.

When you aren't the same color, the same religion, and speakers of the same language, it is so easy to simplify. Unconditional hate is SIMPLE. Killing is SIMPLE. Complicate situations with emotions and empathy, and then our justifications for trying to kill each other start to fall apart. Then everything is just too confusing.

And both of us are saying, "They've murdered so many of us, we can never let them get away with it. I understand the way things work, in the simplest terms. Nothing can stop me now."

The point is, all the confusion, the uncertainty, the hesitation, the guilt, everything, it all goes away when you just SIMPLIFY everything. And revenge....the need for revenge is like the withdrawal, the addiction, without ever touching the drug. "I'd sell my SOUL for one more shot at that motherfucker."

When a society is in a state of chaos, the people revert to their basic programming. My guess is that the mind does the same thing.

Budget cuts “domino effect” delays education benefits to Veterans

For my Reporting class.

This is the revision. The original got a B-.

------------------------

by Jason Davis

16 October 2009

On May 1, 2009, the Veterans Affairs began accepting applications for the Post-9/11 GI Bill. Under this program, and in return for their military service, veterans and their dependents would receive thirty-six months of tuition to the equivalent of their states most expensive public school, as well as $1000 yearly to cover books and fees. But most important to veterans was the inclusion of a personal living expense enabling student veterans to focus on their studies instead of worrying about bills (the living expense rate for 92697 is currently $2152 per month).

Authorizations to begin paying students and their universities began on August 1, 2009. Unfortunately, implementation of the tuition, fees, and allowances lagged due to government undersight, and a vast shortage in claims processing personnel; for veterans in California, and as a result of the state budget cuts, the news only got worse.

As a veteran and student affected by the VA’s mishap, I sat down with Adeli Duron, the Program Coordinator for UCI’s Center for Service in Action (formerly the UCI Volunteer Center), and current UCI Veterans Services Coordinator, to get the scoop on the UC budget cuts, the VA, and what UCI’s 120 student veterans need to know about the delay in their Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits.

Q. How did you end up working as the Veteran Services Coordinator, and what did you do before this position?

A. Before this position, I was doing admissions for UCI. I was an admissions counselor, and before that, I graduated from UCI. I was hired on this position, mostly because of the other part of this position, which is the Center for Service in Action; my volunteer stuff, and my background as a student helped as well. I was interested in the veteran’s position because, well, they went together. But also because a cousin of mine had just joined the Army, so a part of it was just self-interest in relation to family.

Q. As a UC employee, I imagine you are familiar with the UC budget cuts. How are you personally affected by these cuts?

A. On a personal level—all employees have been furloughed. So, yes, I am receiving a pay reduction.

Q. And how has your department, or office been affected by the cuts?

A. In terms of department, budgets are usually a year behind. So by the time we get our budget, we don’t officially get our “real budget” until January of the following year, even though it’s on an academic year. The fiscal year is July 1^st through June 30^th. So, we’re working on a fake budget right now. Our department has 15% in proposed cuts this year [’09-‘10], on top of 8% last year. It’s inconclusive where the department can afford to cut, and it doesn’t necessarily happen evenly, especially since some of our departments have federally funded programs that are mandated, like “International Center,” and “Disabilities.”

For us, I know that there were specific programs that could possibly be cut. As it is, our office, the Center for Service in Action, aside from salary, only has $3000 in permanent funding for programming. That comes straight from the UC system. So, technically, if we get cut [15%], it will come from that $3000.

The other funding that we work off of, mostly through the Center for Service in Action, is money coming from student fees. There is a portion of the overall student fees that are reallocated to different departments. I don’t know what our Department’s whole budget is, but when there are things we need, my goal is to simply find them for as cost effective as I can. That can include food or supplies for any events that we might be doing. On a regular year, we normally had leftover funding, like a rollover, or carryover. This is the year that all the money we’ve been saving—well, if it isn’t spent, we’re not going to get to keep.

Q. What happened to it, or, where is it going?

A. The UC takes it back, and redistributes it. So, there’s no longer any guarantee that a department will get to keep any extras. In the “good times,” I guess you could say we got to keep it. Even last year, for ’08-’09, when we knew that things were looking bad, we were lucky enough to be able to keep our extras. This year, we’re counting on not keeping it.

Q. Are the UC budget cuts affecting the Veterans Services portion of your job?

A. Only 50% of my salary [Program Coordinator for UCI Center for Service in Action] is funded for Veterans Services. That comes out of the UC budget. For some reason, that aspect of my job is funded through Judicial Affairs, for whatever reason, I don’t know. Maybe the Veterans position was originally allocated to them? So, that is where half of my salary comes from.

The only money we get from the VA to do all of this is a stipend that pays $7 per file that I process. So, for every given person… okay, when I work on your file, I am only given $7, and that is to be used for ‘professional development.’ We get it in one lump sum, technically, at the end of the year, for the previous calendar year, but it doesn’t really come in until March.

Q. So, you could potentially spend several hours, or a whole workday on a single file, and the VA is only going to pay you $7 for that whole file? That’s less than $1 an hour!

A. That generally checks out to about $8800 a year, paid by the VA for all of this work. However, the intent for that funding is not to do the work, but for “professional development,” like going to conferences and other stuff.

Q. How many people in the Center for Service in Action actually does VA related work?

A. Just me and my boss. Her position isn’t funded to do the work, but she’s well versed in it because she actually used to hold the position I am in now. But, she hasn’t actually worked on VA files in the last two years, or so. She’s caught up on some of the newer procedures, like the Post-9/11 GI Bill, but she doesn’t do any of the applications and filing [certifications to the VA]. When I’m not available, she can do some of the advising, but I generally have more of the answers for the VA students.

Q. How have the cuts affected the rest of the non-veterans related personnel in the office? Have there been cuts in positions, increased workloads, and longer hours to complete a day’s work?

A. I haven’t experienced an increase in work because of the cuts, but because of the Post-9/11 GI Bill, which includes more work than before. My work takes a little bit more time to track and file, and because there are only two in the department working to help veterans, it’s hard to make a cut there as opposed to other places. In the department, most of the “layoffs” are not real layoffs, but just a decision that those positions vacated by transfers will not be refilled. So, those old positions won’t open up, and there won’t be new hires. That has actually happened a lot in our department, and we have a lot of empty positions. Some people now have a staff of two people, instead of the usual four.

Q. Have the UC budget cuts affected any of your VA students? Are there any specific ways a veteran student might be impacted differently than a regular student not receiving VA educational benefits?

A. Yes, and no. In terms of the UC budget, there was never any money for the veterans specifically. There are some conferences this year that Student Veterans of America put on. This would be their third year, and our students have gone each of the last two years on funding provided by the Student Affairs. Usually, Student Affairs splits the cost with our department to send the students to the conference. This year, we won’t be able to help fund interested students for conferences and travel.

Q. In August, there was a delay for veterans receiving Post-9/11 GI Bill benefits because of terminology differences between the VA and UC. Was the holdup due to the VA, or UC, and what was the issue?

A. Both. The part that the VA caused… we couldn’t submit paperwork [GI Bill certifications] because we had to put ‘tuition and fees’ as part of the electronic submission. If the UC fees [for ‘09-’10] were not finalized, we would not be allowed, by the VA, to put in approximate fees. The proposed budget was not a finalized fee, and could potentially change. The VA wanted to know the actual fees charged, and since they weren’t finalized, we couldn’t put them in.

[Here, Adeli is referring to the state budget being passed in mid July. At the time, the VA was not accepting the UC’s bill because of terminology differences, and because the UC per-unit fee had not, at that time, been finalized.]

Q. How did these issues affect VA students? Did this delay your work and your ability to submit the new Post-9/11 GI Bill claims for your VA students?

A. It did back it up. My goal originally was to finish and submit the applications by July 6^th. Since I was going on vacation on July 21^st, my goal was to submit everything that had been turned in [GI Bill certifications] before I left. Because of everything, this obviously didn’t happen. When I came back two weeks later, it still hadn’t been finalized.

The holdup was in the terminology. Everywhere else [different states] uses ‘tuition and fees,’ but we use the term ‘education and fees.’ Because of that different distinction, the UC had to go back and change everything. They basically redid whatever legal stuff to change the terminology for the VA. When they were finally able to change the terminology, then they were able to finalize with the real numbers.

[Because of the budget impasse, Adeli was unable to submit the GI Bill certifications in July. Waiting for the UC to finalize per unit fees and fix terminologies meant that GI Bill certifications were not even submitted until September. Thus, the certifications for veterans in UC were parked at the end of the long, national backlog at the VA.]

At this time, Adeli went into great detail describing the process by which she submits the paperwork for every veteran’s Post-9/11 GI Bill certification. She talked about the two different online programs that she uses to connect with the VA, and the quarterly process for certifying student veterans’ classes so that they can receive their benefits and allowances on time.

Today, a majority of UCI’s veterans have not been paid, and might not see that money (and backpay) until December. With UCI granted deferments on tuition, many veterans are cutting classes, working overtime, and expanding their debt to make temporary ends meet. And though the overlying responsibility for delay rests squarely on the backs of senior officials at the Veterans Affairs, late summer squabbles in Sacramento played no small part in further delaying the benefits certification and submission process.

“That,” said Adeli, “is the domino effect from the state budget crisis.”

Got A Letter In The Mail

by The Usual Suspect

No, not that one. The other one. The one from the VA.

It was in a manilla envelop with a stack of double sided pages stapled together. It features phrases like "compensation" and "direct deposit" and "post traumatic stress disorder" and a disability rating of 30%. That's something like $370.00 every month. Definitely a start.

Thank you all at the VA. Now let's talk about that direct deposit. I got bills.

It's One oh Two

by 13 Stoploss

I hate not sleeping. This thing just doesn’t shut off, damn perpetual tick tock racket inside my head. I’ve been sick since Saturday, and for the last three nights, I dipped not in spirit, instead relying on drowsy, sick pills that work too slow. Tonight, with half a dose remaining, they don’t work at all.

My stomach grumbles, and I’ve been munching like a stoner. No more chips. The 12 Grain Mini-Snack Crackers are all that’s left. They’re loaded with Inulin, a prebiotic fiber that supports the digestive tract. Water is stale and tastes like sick. My eyes bleed a winking daze, weary and restless from several sickness-induced day naps.

Stop thinking.

Stop thinking.

Turn off.

If I find Benadryl, I’ll surely be unable to get up in six hours when it’s time to take the boy to school. If I don’t, I’ll surely be awake another two. Maybe three.

Reading doesn’t help. I’m trying to turn off.

I don’t want Bourbon, or Rum, or Wine. I want sweet, peaceful, easy sleep.

And some chips and salsa. Or nachos. Greasy gas station or ballpark kind where the cheese broils in a festering rot of itself in a thick pan over a stove. And a Root Beer.

I probably should not have had that cup of coffee this afternoon.

Feels like High School all over again.

No trazodone.

Just need to shut off by myself.

-------------------------

*Continuation

It's twelve twenty-nine.

At seven thirty-six, an audibly blurred line of goodbyes and I love you's fluttered upstairs like a butterfly floating through a violent concerto wind.

Had I dreamt that?

It had rained all night, and a medicated dizziness circled my half-open eyes. My lips were parsed, and ears plugged.

The door slammed shut. The garage door automated itself downward, grinding and vibrating and falling.

Then, it was eight fifty-two, and all was quiet, except Dennis Bartel's talk on Tittle-Tattle and Antonin Dvorak.

The drugs don't put me to sleep, but they keep me asleep--and that isn't the issue.

--------------------

It's twelve forty-three, with two and a half more pages.

Still dizzy.

Taco Tuesday with tri-tip asada becomes leftover Wednesday.

And, I think I want to be CJ Chivers. Or, to do what my Journalism instructor and his photographer do.

I get jittery when I have caffeine after ten oh oh. So, I won't.

The Walking Dead

by The Usual Suspect

I wanted out. I wanted out bad, and I got it. Started chomping down on the fruits of freedom, til my eyes grew wide and I retched, maggots, worms, and rot at the core. This heart is healthy, no one's firing guns around here or setting off bombs.

Maybe we thought that something magical was going to happen when we got out. You know, the President lands on your lawn to shake your hand, have a beer and tell a couple dirty jokes, then salute and fly off, loudly complimenting your gi-fucking-normous balls of adamantine. Then you drop off a resume. ONE resume. It lands on the desk and sends the shrapnel of all other bullshit flying. The guy interviewing you hires you on the spot (this actually did eventually happen to me, well...I got hired on the spot, but we'll get to that), the pay is good, the work gratifying, THE AMERICAN MOTHERFUCKIN' DREAM finally handed over.

Now I know that no one is entitled to everything and there is no such thing as easy street. Just stop making it fucking SOUND like the Army will make the rest of our lives perfect.

I'm a dishwasher. I wash dishes. I stand up all day and wash dishes, and I watch them come right back to me like a boomerang. My feet and knees and back begin to hurt, and I spend 20 minutes scrubbing, spraying, and contemplating going out to my car and getting a pair of desert boots to wear. And that's when I spend the next hour washing more dishes and thinking about Iraq. Thinking about the guys. Wondering if my unit is back in Iraq or not. Where, or what they're doing, how they're doing. And then I remember how it was for me when I was in their boots. I was worlds away, kicking it with guys I loved, pissing and moaning about the rigors and bullshit of our job, but on some kind of adventure nonetheless. And I didn't want to talk to people back home. I didn't want the pain. I didn't want the questions, I DAMN sure didn't want all the concern. I didn't want to think about home. They don't have time to be missed. They need to have their head in the game.

Friends from before the Army lose touch, they change, or just never cared as much as you let yourself believe they did. You start to see the selfishness in everything. Everyone. When you feel like a stranger around everyone you know, you start to feel isolated. Then it turns into anger or depression, back and forth. Self-loathing, hatred for everyone on the road. Someone throws trash out of their window and it hits mine. I want to chase him down and pull him out of his car and stuff the paper in his mouth. Then I let off the gas and exhale.

"Just be yourself" doesn't apply when your SELF isn't appropriate for normal people. The chasm grows wider. Then you start sending resumes out to private military companies. Toying with the idea of making some insane money and playing soldier-boy again. But if it was the right answer, every vet would be doing it.

You don't get a response anyway.

So the days come and go, and you deal with the VA here and there. Go to appointments, answer questions, whatever, and then you go back to your life (see you in a month). You go home and look at your pill collection. Anti-anxiety pills. Little ones that dissolve under your tongue for rapid deployment to stem off those pesky panic attacks. Oh, and these ones here are for nausea. Those ones on the right were from a minor injury. Good for treating inflamed joints and muscles. And THESE, these are the pills that the achievers just love. These are your A.D.Dipshit pills and when one of those NORMAL people take them, they get tweaked son, fuck yeah, they can study ALL night AND clean EVERYTHING AND THEY LOOK GREAT CUZ THEY DON'T EAT! Consult your doctor if you have any heart or psychological conditions.

"You live in a college town. Why not sell them?"

1) It's illegal and I hate even INTANGIBLE forms of confinement.

2) Half the fucks dumb enough to take any pill to get fucked up are dumb enough to find a way to to screw up royally.

3) I don't WANT those assholes studying like cyborgs and getting kickass grades. Future leaders of the world all fucking tweaked out. Then the cocksuckers will send my kids off to a war that they'll later admit was "poorly planned". Fuck you. Drop out and wash dishes.

Oh, and here's some antidepressants. They only work if you take them EVERYDAY....EVERYDAY.....EVERYDAY....EVERYDAY....EVERYDAY. You have to have it in your blood constantly.

"Well Suspect, this generally goes unsaid but you could try *other* *alternative* *natural* *herbal* *appetite-stimulating* *medicine*."

1) This state does not list PTSD or any form of anxiety as criteria for medical marijuana.

2) It's only legal on the state level. If for ANY reason, Federal Government wanted to, they'd be able to raid my place. Throw me in prison. "Not so hungry now, are ya Suspect? Three hots, a cot, and a nice big teddy bear for a cellmate." Probation. That means piss tests. Remember those, army kids?

3) What about MORE IMPORTANT things, like bills, food, rent?

"Duh, Suspect, you can just grow your o-"

Hold the motherfuckin phone a second. A grow operation. Felony? I heard it's a felony.

[TAKE YOUR PILLS, I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.]

4) If you're a REGISTERED POTSMOKER, will they allow you to own a gun? [Hahaha, he said ALLOW, like people are property, that's funny!]


Yeah. Oh well. Alcohol is legal. I can walk across the street and get beer or wine. A few more blocks if I want liquor. That's a nice time-honored method of decompressing. I see commercials now and then. Oh fuck! There was a game today! At the college! that I dropped out of. They advocate alcohol consumption at those. Maybe I'll get shit-faced and look at some pictures of me and my buddies while I clean my gun.

[I don't know how to type the sound that a scoff makes.]

Yeah, no booze for me, thankyouverymuch. I hear its a DEPRESSant. I hear bad things can happen. I hear it's involved in a lot of deaths and accidents and domestic disturbances. KEEP ON ENCOURAGING THAT SHIT, AND TiVO "COPS" FOR ME! I AIN'T GOT CABLE!

"Dude, quit fucking crying and play your guitar or something. Oh, ha, wait, I forgot that your power flickers on and off all day. Ha!"


Too long? Didn't read?

The Army told me I'd be back in six months if I got out. That the real world just wasn't right for us anymore. That we couldn't handle it. I said "Bullshit, man. Not me. It'll never happen to me. Nothing can happen to me now, everything from here on out is going to be ok."

The Universe is trying to prove me wrong. To this, I say, "Present....arms!"


If Iraq didn't kill me, the "American Dream" sure as fuck won't.
















(The STUD in the photograph is wearing a mask so that the entire female population doesn't fall in love with the same guy. -Management)

Interview

by 13 Stoploss

So, I'm interviewing this guy for a character sketch in class, and hopefully to submit for the school paper. Anything you want to know?